Searching for a Home :: Personal Narrative Essays

Searching for a Home   I arrived home on sunlight night, from a two week vacation, which was strait-laced in that we went to very nice places, and in that I had, for the first time in a while, the variety show of vacation which did not involve a lot of driving or so and which real(a)ly succeeded in making me feel that I was gone, out of my real life, away, for a while. However, I did not succeed in accomplishing the mental line of work I had stack out for myself for these two weeks.   This task was I call up a variant of the usual mental task I set for myself while traveling, anywhere, even for a short distance or a short time to look at my life from as much distance as I can, to get a sense of the term of the forest, removed from the detail/muddle of tree after tree, and to see what, if anything, need to be changed, and maybe even how to change it. For me, actually, there always seems to be something that needs to be changed. This time in my travels, the questi ons I was trying to resolve, the saucy perspective I was trying to arrive at--not, by a foresighted shot, for the first time--had something to do with the quotation marks Ive put around the discussion home.   To put it very simply, I dont feel at home here. Id wish well to go home, but Im not sure where that is. To make matters worse, Ive been wondering close this for several years, bid maybe fifteen or twenty years, trying one place after another. nothing seems to fit.   The fact that I go that this is at to the lowest degree 50% an internal problem (i.e., at least as much a matter of where I am psychologically as physically) does not, alas, help me to answer the question. Its clear to me Ive come to focus on the question of place (the cardinal question here being, where would I like to live for the rest of my life? where could I see myself living?) in the way that some people focus on Who Is the Right person? or When/How/Why Must I Grow Up? Not that I dont obs ess over these little matters, too, just that they dont take the central place in my reflections, most of the time.